There will be some graphic descriptions of some toys in this blog, so if you’re offended by sexual toys you might wanna stop reading…right about now.
My co-worker recently invited me to a fantasy party, after we got over the hump of my misunderstanding her euphemism I agreed to come to the party.
I have never been to a sex toy party and although I have been to an adult bookstore I only walked in to tease a friend of mine and then we left. I never got to look around.
My curiosity and love of all things sexual made me agree to go to the party despite the shyness of my ignorance. I’m kinda glad I went because I learned a lot about different things without just wandering through a porn store and wondering what things do.
Two of the ladies I work with also work with my boyfriend, so it made for interesting comments. Because everything I said “wouldn’t that be fun” about, they had to think of me with their boss/co-worker.
Round one consisted of trying out creams in bottles, and jars. We had an arm/hand we used for edible and non-edible things. The ladies talked about pheromones and creams that either made him last longer or not feel a thing as you shoved something up his ass.
There was a cream that began to tingle your downstairs mixer when applied. Myself and my host tried this out. It was interesting, but I figured at my age and level of libido, I don’t need encouragement to get me on my back. There was a cream that was called something like “snug tuck,” which I hope I don’t have to use ever. And if I get to a point where I do have to use it, I’m too old to give a damn anyway.
I was surprised how a lot of the edibles tasted, the freakin’ Snozberry penis cream tasted like real snozberries! There were concoctions that tasted like vanilla cupcakes, chocolate and berries. There was even a wyld berry flavor for a powder that you could sprinkle across your body.
The next round was tickles for two, with weird penis collars that enhanced the experience, with dramatic names like “cloud nine.” There were of course the little fetish toys that were brought out.
There were the anal beads (in small and medium), which our party lady reminded us could be purchased along with the numbing cream to make that first time a little easier.
The classics came out, such as the handcuffs, feather on a stick and blindfold. I ask my readers, what is wrong with using some logging chains, a scarf and feathers from a sacrificed chicken?
After taking a pee break, for another shot and a walk around the room to stretch our legs we went into round three. This was where we got serious on personal stimulation for the woman.
It started out small with the ticklers. The most interesting thing about this section was the fact that every vibrator was shaped like a friendly animal. I chuckled at the name of the “prancing dolphin” until she passed it around and damn, if Flipper’s little nose was made to tickle your clit.
There were bunnies with ears and paws a-massagin’, turtles for two person fun, butterflies, and elephant’s to tickle your fancy.
Over time we progressed from the small ticklers up to the serious fuckyamama-dildos with all the bells and whistles, that were more goofy looking. There was a dildo that instead of looking more traditional it had a little man’s face near the head and it resembled a totem pole. This little, rubber man of pleasure also could dance. He usually made small rotational circles, but if he was bent over he made wide circles that to me didn’t look very comfortable.
Another one with a seemingly normal looking shaft and a bunny sitting near the base to get his tickle on had an distasteful attachment. With the press of button you can not only create something to make you giggle but also it can do the “giggling” for you. The audio feature exhibited a woman screaming in pleasure. I decided on the spot I would never have a toy like that, for two reasons: 1) I make enough noise and I don’t need a porno star doing it for me, and 2) I would be afraid that while using the toy I would get over excited and accidentally press the button ruining a good half hour of work trying to get there.
Those were the biggest highlights of all the toys and such. I forget some of the names, but they were pretty hysterical and if I think of any I’ll try to share them. Just thought that everyone would wanna know what I did last weekend.
Of course after talking about sex and toys for three hours my little ’89 Oldsmobile couldn’t make it home fast enough. But I promised my mom that I would show her if I found anything interesting.
She was intrigued at the Vanilla cupcake lubricant I found and was laughing at my description of all the fuzzy animal shaped toys. I told her I would try to find one of the catalogs online so I could tell her what I found. I told mom I share the flavorful lubes if she wanted to ever borrow them.
She had to tell my dad something other than what I had really been doing, so she told him I went to a lingerie party and wanted to show mom the pretty undies I had purchased instead of what I was really showing mom.
After seeing mom I rushed home and had a grand old time. And I slept really well, like a rock in fact. That’s one of the best ways to get a good night’s sleep, just get worn out beyond all your senses.
But I digress….I will try to keep this blog as focused as I can on the events that surround the Hill.