Movie: Dead Snow

Dead Snow (2009)

Tagline: Ein! Zwei! Die!deadsnow posters
“Død snø” (original title)
Comedy/Horror   Link to IMDB Movie Profile

For the horror movie buffs out there this may not be the best choice. I should say that if you’re a purist or snooty about the traditional zombie, you won’t like this flick as much. Comedy horror is definitely a good way to describe this movie. It has a good mix of spewing blood, zombies chasing and killing their prey, and characters making fun of people in horror movies.

Let’s begin with the basics. What’s the story:
Four guys and three women drive out to the country and hike up to a secluded cabin in the mountains for a wintry vacation. The characters get some spooky exposition from a local and their vacation gets interrupted by the Nazi zombies of lore buried in the mountains.

I really don’t know what to say about this movie that won’t give away something enjoyable, funny or nice and gory. So, I will just tell you, get on it! Either with Netflix Instant or some other movie watching program. Even if you must multitask or have the movie on while you’re fixing supper.

It’s really not overly necessary to meet the characters because there are so many of them and the story is easy enough to follow that they will remind you of the character name, if it is important.DeadSnowmeninsnow

The movie opens with classical music and a chase through the snow. We get our first kill in the first five minutes. Satisfying. Much like the rest of the movie. The next scene exhibits the banter of college students. We find out some character names and relationships they have to one another.

After the long drive, the characters load up their gear and begin hiking to the remote cabin in the mountains. There is a sweet line the characters spew towards their nerdy friend: “You won’t survive the weekend if you don’t keep your nerdiness in check.”
Once the college kids hike to a very remote lodge they officially start their vacation. I would love to be on a vacation with these people….At least during the first part of their vacation. They play twister & cards, drink beer, go sledding, have snowball fights, and zip around on their snowmobile. The editors made sure to show all the fun and none of the dripping noses and frostbitten fingers.

Like I said, I can’t say too much more without giving away super fun parts of the story. Again, I say, Go and watch the movie!
There are a couple of story choices I found fun though:

  • The characters show a few instances of intelligence when they gather weapons to fight the evil.
  • The zombies have wavering levels of intelligence too. They appear to, at times, make plans, listen/communicate, and use tools.
  • There is one scene that had “Zombie-vision”. I was disappointed that it was the one and only time. Maybe it ended up being cut?

SPOILERS BELOW!!

BE CAREFUL WHEN YOU SCROLL DOWN!!

SPOILERS BELOW!!

SPOILERS BELOW!!

SPOILERS

  • Sara, the fourth girl to arrive at the cabin was the character who died at the very beginning of the film. It doesn’t take long for this huzzah to sink in.
  • There is an outhouse at the cabin–As if you weren’t scared of them before. Female character spots something which turns out to be Mr. Exposition. He demands coffee and supplies approximately five minutes of exposition.
  • There is a SWEET bloody tent kill of Mr. Exposition–which guarantees viewers that no more lengthy explanation will be included in this movie.
  • College kids find box of gold in floor fridge. WHAT?! THEY HAVE A FLOOR FRIDGE?!?! Is this normal in Norway?? I want one now.

    Your smell turns me on

    Your smell turns me on

  • Nerd girl, Chris, makes sexy-time with nerd guy, Erland, on outhouse toilet seat after Erland excuses himself for a #2 break. I’ll give you a minute to let that sink in. I have never been that horny.
  • After the nerd-rendezvous in the outhouse Chris (girl) uses the toilet and falls into the toilet hole—the floor drops out and she climbs back up and out covered in feces and very likely, some sex juices.
  • Erland’s head gets ripped apart and brain hits floor. The sarky relief of the group says something to the effect of “I told you we should have gone to the beach”

    deadsnow gun

    Vegard finds a gun, supposedly up his ass

  • There is a scene in which Vegard, the boyfriend looking for the dead hiker Sara uses zombie intestines as a lifeline while he dangles and battles for his life over a cliff. It is hysterical.
  • Vegard sews his own neckhole closed (injury) and wraps duct tape around his neck. Surgical stitching in extreme situations is what they cover in the first year of medical school, right?
  • Two of the doofuses light the cabin on fire with molotov cocktail when they fail to throw it out of the window. They ruin their one hope at a stronghold from evil.
  • As I mentioned above, they are smart zombies and definitely have a mission. Viewers find out later on that they are trying to reclaim the gold stolen from them that was found in the floor fridge. floooooorrrrrr fridge….
  • Everyone dies and the last death is very satisfying. Very enjoyable.
    dead-snow-nazis

    Screw the gold–Give me the floor fridge

    Happy Halloween!!
    ~Kat~

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Movie: Dumplings

Dumplings (2004)Dumplings movie poster

“Jiao zi” (original title)

Drama/Horror Link to IMDB Movie Profile

Let me begin by saying this movie is much more of a drama than a horror. The horror lies in the social fears related to abortions and female bits. I promise that I will not share any gross out photos. I will however discuss, as politely as possible, some of the elements related to the story. Unless someone eating normal looking food grosses you out. If you wish to see some of the more graphic images, there are plenty, just do a quick Google search. I will admit that the nastiest scenes did give me pause while I chomped on my fried potatoes, but not much. I was too busy being impressed with the props and special effects team. Yes, it looked that good….Or, bad.

Alright, let’s back this dumpling train up.
Super Simplified Plot:
A retired aging actress seeks the help of a witch doctor to regain her youth and regain the love of her cheating husband. The secret ingredient in the witch doctor’s magical dumplings are human fetuses.

Let’s meet the main players:

Mrs. Li

Ms. Li--The retired actress that will pay any price to get back her youth. Just look at that B-face she is throwing out

Aunt Mei–I call her the witch doctor, but in the story she is a crazy lady and retired  who lives in the seedy part of town.

Mr. Li–A jerk. I mean, I know everyone in this movie is crazy or evil, but he really is. If there is a woman in his vicinity, he will have breathy gross sex with her.

Aunt Mei

Aunt Mei

Other characters:

Mom–She cries.
Husband of mom–He impregnates.
Teen daughter–She is pregnant.
Hotel hussy–Sleeps with Mr. Li

Some Snarky Insight

  • There are tons of scenes where Mrs. Li is eating dumplings. This actress must have been sick of the food in general at the end of the shooting for this flick. You have to think about too that these are only the bits of footage that the editing team decided to keep. Lord only knows, how many shots of her eating dumplings landing on the cutting room floor.
  • Aunt Mei reveals early on that the most potent dumplings use a fetus from the 2nd trimester. A 5th month baby. Foreshadowing….*eerie music*
  • This movie moves unbearably slowly, feel free to multitask during the movie. I believe some parts were to build suspense.
  • There is a lot of out of focus and off center shots. Very artsy. Or irritating. Your choice.eating dumplings quote
  • At one point you get to see Mrs. Li flossing the dumplings from her teeth in the background.
  • Aunt Mei is a creepy character and interesting to watch. She grabs her feet, has a vague stare and sings to her customers.
  • Lessons I learned from this movie: Illegal abortions are scary, don’t have affairs with people, and don’t be vain.
  • What’s so scary about it? The gross-out factor and there is some medical scary related to abortions. I feel like this would be more disgusting and scary for women, but I didn’t watch it with any men so this is just a guess.
  • Would I recommend it? Probably not to my friends. Unless you have a friend that is into scary or weird foreign horror movies. The idea of eating the flesh of youths is an old one and the way this story is done is interestingly artsy.

Dumpling Movie Spoilers—–Scroll Down at your Own Risk!

Cute Mr. Dumpling wants to warn you of SPOILERS BELOW!!

Cute Mr. Dumpling wants to warn you of SPOILERS BELOW!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

SPOILERS

  • There are lots of fetal like images and a (mostly) on screen at-home ghetto abortion during the movie. Not a flick for the fragile.
  • Teen and mom begs Aunt Mei for an abortion. Father raped daughter.
  • This is the first potent dumplings that Mrs. Li eats and her when she returns home her husband is quoted, “you smell nice”. She’s got that new car, smell.
  • When Mrs. Li and Mr. Li have their reconciliation sex, she drips/spits/gargles water into his mouth and they make love. His leg is broken. Least sexy scene ever.
  • The Vanity lesson: Mrs. Li smells bad after eating a 5th month incest fetus. However, this issue disappears and she never gets her comeuppance.
  • Dangers of abortion lesson: There is a upsetting bit where the teen girl zoom eating dumplingsobviously suffering from complications from her abortion collapses after getting off a bus with her mother. The passenger that takes her seat is horrified to find that he sat in a pool of blood.
  • Mother of dead teen kills husband with a knife and is arrested
  • Husband eats dumplings and fucks witch doctor
  • Aunt Mei has monologue about history of cannibalism in China. Very effectively creepy.
  • Husband has affair with hotel hussy at beginning of movie–He unknowingly impregnates her and this is the fetus that Mrs. Li chops up at the closing scene of the film.

Date Movie: Army of Darkness

armyofdarknessKitandKatOkay, maybe this isn’t the best date movie for every couple….Yes, it is.

Big shout out to my siblings, they were gracious enough to foot the bill for a late supper and the movies!! You guys rock!!
Bruce Campbell at his finest in this cult horror-comedy was being shown in the city as a midnight movie!
We both look a little raggedy in this picture because we were really exhausted. We tried and failed to both, nap mid afternoon and then chugg lots of caffeine as the night wore on. Even sleepy, we had a great time! It has been a few years since I have seen Army of Darkness so every line was a roll on the floor laugh again!

Apparently there was no mention of watching horror or any Halloween movies on my Fall Bucket List—SO I FIXED IT. I feel like it was very seasonable and a great excursion. I realize that there are people in the world who have not seen this film. Skip Rocky Horror Picture Show and The Big Lebowski. This is where it is at.

Hail to the King, baby

~Kat~

19 Netflix Instant Halloween Flicks

My hubbster and I have Netflix Instant and I like to watch a movie from time to time related to the holidays coming up. There are scores of horror movies and they are easy to find if you flip to the Horror/Thriller genre section. These are some movies that maybe are older, funny or flicks I will try to watch despite their scary. I am a scaredy-cat for the most part so I will be watching scary films in mute. I have tried to pick some funny or classic films which are typically a little less scary.
These movies were available for Instant view as of 10-13-2013. They are constantly removing films and adding more. It it by no means an exhaustive list.
Bold text means that I have seen the movie before.
netflixinstant

  1. Battle Royale (Japanese Hunger Games but way better, I’m told)
  2. Cabin in the Woods (Joss Whedon’s horror pokes fun at horror film archetypes)
  3. Carrie (Weird girl gets teased until she reaches her breaking point)
  4. Dark Shadows (The old 1960s TV show is nothing like the movie apparently)
  5. Dead Snow (Nazi zombies! Check out my Review!)
  6. Dracula (1931 Lugosi classic, give it a watch–much more tame than modern versions)
  7. Dumplings (A mysterious woman makes youth rejuvenating dumplings with a curious ingredient–not shockingly a foreign horror movie. Check out my Review!)
  8. Elvira, Mistress of the Dark (I am intrigued just because of her costume)
  9. Ghostbusters (A group of goobers go ghost chasing)
  10. House on Haunted Hill (1959 Vincent Price will pay 10K to anyone who can survive a night in the haunted house)
  11. Nightmare Before Christmas (I’m really not sure if this counts–Claymation Halloween King tries to run Christmas for Santa)
  12. The Mummy (1932–Again another not-so-scary classic, it moves really slowly)
  13. Red State (It is Kevin Smith, I have to–Teens get invited to a sex filled night but find out they were lured by a crazed pastor)
  14. Scary Movie (2000 Making fun of other movies)
  15. Scream (1996 A masked killer returns for the daughter of his previous victim)
  16. Session 9 (Asbestos cleaning crew has to clean an abandoned insane asylum)
  17. Tucker & Dale Vs. Evil (Starring Alan Tudyk! Hillbillies are mistaken for serial killers by a group of teens)
  18. Vampires (A faux documentary in Belgium, this sounds interesting)
  19. The Wolf Man (1941–I honestly can’t recall if I’ve seen this or not, this deserves a second watch)

If you watch one movie today you will have 18 movies and 18 more days to watch them in before Halloween. Get to watching!

There are many Halloween movies that I love, but that are not available on Netflix Instant. What are your favorite Halloween movies?